There are so many definitions and views on addiction. I’m not interested in any of them. I’m interested in the experiences that preceded it.⠀
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I’m interested in the BEFORE.⠀
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I’m interested in that moment when it hurt so much, it had to be erased. ⠀
I’m interested in the emotions that can not be expressed, so instead, they are thoroughly suppressed. ⠀
I’m interested in the shame that must be drenched or set ablaze to breathe steadily.⠀
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What about the rejection or the betrayal? The loss and that loser.⠀
What about that vicious attack? That time when you summoned your skin to stop crawling and made a deal to scar it later, for relief.⠀
What about the pony tricks you had to perform? All the pomp and parade.⠀
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I’m interested in the healing that comes with being honest. The healing that comes with recognising that your addiction to any substance, activity, or thought pattern is not a death sentence, it’s an invitation.⠀
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You are being invited to ask about BEFORE, to be as honest as possible about it. You are being invited to take the first brave step toward healing, to do it in your way at your own pace.⠀
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All of it will hurt for sure, possibly hurt for good BUT it’s worth knowing that on the other side of addiction is not necessarily sobriety. It’s honesty.